Dead Days of Sports

Thanks be to God, the NBA season just ended. I used to be a fan of pro hoops when I was young and impressionable, back in the good old days of Byrd and Magic, Olajuwon and Ewing, and of course, Michael Jordan. Now, I don't know. To me it's just a bunch of jive crap which brings me to the title of this post.

This time of year stinks for me as an average sports fan. Stanley Cup is over, football is a distant memory and, well, you know what I think of basketball.

But hey, Powerslave, what about baseball? What about baseball you say? Can you say 162 games? Where else can you lose half your games and still be considered a contender? I mean, besides the NBA. Baseball just isn't quite that exciting this time of year. Remember last June? The Astros were eating out of a dog bowl in the National League and they ended up making it to the World Series. Sure, I occassionaly enjoy watching a Yankees/RedSox game just to see who gets in a fight or seeing Albert Pujols hit another homer against the Astros. But call me in late August when things start getting interesting.

But Powerslave, there are so many other sports to choose from!

Really? Soccer? Don't get me started on soccer. I'm saving a major post on that sport for after the World Cup, so stay tuned.

Golf........right. Did you see Mickelson choke on Sunday?

Tennis. Yeah, I know, Wimbledon.

The WNBA! What's worse than the NBA? You guessed it, the WNBA. If I wanted to watch men play bad basketball, I'd go to the rec center and watch the under 6 foot men's league. At least they're better looking and I'd have about the same odds of getting a date with one them.

Hey Powerslave, I think we got you! What about Arena Football? How bad do you have to be to only have the skills to make an Arena football team? I've been to a few Dorados games and I just don't know what all the hullabaloo is about. Even the high schools play with eleven players. It's not real football, it's flag football with pads. And another thing, does everything that could possibly happen in a game have to be sponsored by something? How about a Vaseline Petroleum Jelly incomplete pass?

LaCrosse? To quote the great George Carlin, "LaCrosse isn't a sport, it's a faggot college activity," although apparently not at Duke University.

NASCAR/ Indy style racin'. Yeah that's right, I sed racin'! There aren't any black people in that sport and Danica Patrick wears a helmet so my interest in it is limited to highlights on Sportscenter. That's where you'll see all the wrecks, fires, and pit accidents, then watch the winner cross the finish line all in about 45 seconds. Now that's efficient. One new phenomenon among the NASCAR brethren is the bickering after a race when someone gets cut off or wrecked into. Nothing like a meth juiced redneck throwing his helmet at a car going by at 200 miles per hour.

Now to ESPN's cadre of crap. Ping pong, Texas Hold 'Em, rodeo, paint ball, fitness pageants, bass fishin', beach volleyball, world's strongest idiot, badminton, cricket, hotdog eating, croquet, lumberjacking, Scrabble, darts, pool, skeet shooting, dominoes, spelling bee, bowling, cheerleading, more Texas Hold 'Em, and yes, even rock-paper-scissors. Might as well develop the World Coin Flip Championships for Christ's sake!

All of this makes me beg for the start of football season. High school, college, and the NFL(screw Canada, what's up with the 5 acre end zones eh?). It's all good. I'll get by knowing that the first pre-season game is a little more than a month away.
I get to enjoy hearing Cowboy fans talk about how they're going all the way this year. I get to watch Longhorn fans painfully realize that any hopes of another national championship packed up his jock and moved to Nashville. I'll enjoy the sports shows on radio and t.v. and pray that it lasts forever. I like dreamin'....