Rules for a Vegas Vacation
If you've never been to Las Vegas you may not fully understand what I'm talking about. Should you ever have the opportunity and the means, Las Vegas is the place to spend some of your vacation time, at least once in your life.
This was my second trip to Sin City and it was my wife's first foray into the oasis in the desert. To say we had a good time would be an understatement, but we came home saying that we needed four more days and about five thousand extra dollars. There is so much to do, day or night, that you can't seem to figure out what to do next. The Strip, Freemont St., eating, the shows, food, sightseeing, the buffets, gambling, and oh, did I mention eating?
Having been there twice I feel as though I've figured some things out about vacationing there. There are some general rules that should be followed by everyone for everyone elses benefit.
1. Leave your kids at home. Contrary to popular belief, Vegas is not family friendly. Children get in the way and can really hamper your good time, and the good time of those around you. Face it, minors under 21 are not allowed in the casinos. Case closed.
2. If you choose to walk in Las Vegas, then do so. Keep it moving please and don't doddle. We all have somewhere to go, but if you feel the need to stop and look at something or figure out what planet you are on, move to the side. Otherwise, be prepared to be mounted from behind by perfect strangers.
3. Just because you can smoke doesn't mean you should. Nothing is more nauseating than the smell of cigarette smoke except the smell of a thosand cigarettes puffed in unison on the casino floor. Smoking's allowed, so I guess I'll have to eat that rule.
4. Just because you can drink all you want for "free" doesn't mean you should. How do you get the smell of a thousand cigarettes out of the carpet by the pai-gow poker table? Juice up a lightweight until he pukes his pale ale. Those drinks you get aren't really free since they are subsidized by your drunken decision to hit on 20.
5. Don't be mean to the dealers. The dealers are there to facilitate the loss of your money with style, dignity, and grace. They're not the ones making the stupid bets, so point the finger of blame for losing your kids' college fund exactly where it should go. Besides we all know who runs those places. You wouldn't want to be dragged to some back room by Vito and Paulie to have your knees broken would you?
6. Don't accept anything from people on the street. It's either a pornographic solicitation for hot escorts or time share condo crap. Funny how those two go together. Don't think you can get away with speaking Spanish either. They've figured that one out.
7. Take it easy with the A/V equipment. You're on vacation, not on assignment for NewsChannel5. Let's keep it under 5 pounds.
8. See the water show at the Bellagio. It is truly amazing. Be sure and catch the last show at midnight. It's the Whitney Houston version of the Star Spangled Banner that she did at the Super Bowl during the Gulf War. Very moving! I think it's Steve Wynn's way of reminding all of the foreign visitors that this is the greatest nation on earth. . . and we know it.
9. See rule # 1.
It's hard to imagine that anyone would follow these rules, but those of you who have been there and experienced first hand the carnage that is hoofing the Strip, I'm sure you can appreciate my point of view. Viva Las Vegas!
This was my second trip to Sin City and it was my wife's first foray into the oasis in the desert. To say we had a good time would be an understatement, but we came home saying that we needed four more days and about five thousand extra dollars. There is so much to do, day or night, that you can't seem to figure out what to do next. The Strip, Freemont St., eating, the shows, food, sightseeing, the buffets, gambling, and oh, did I mention eating?
Having been there twice I feel as though I've figured some things out about vacationing there. There are some general rules that should be followed by everyone for everyone elses benefit.
1. Leave your kids at home. Contrary to popular belief, Vegas is not family friendly. Children get in the way and can really hamper your good time, and the good time of those around you. Face it, minors under 21 are not allowed in the casinos. Case closed.
2. If you choose to walk in Las Vegas, then do so. Keep it moving please and don't doddle. We all have somewhere to go, but if you feel the need to stop and look at something or figure out what planet you are on, move to the side. Otherwise, be prepared to be mounted from behind by perfect strangers.
3. Just because you can smoke doesn't mean you should. Nothing is more nauseating than the smell of cigarette smoke except the smell of a thosand cigarettes puffed in unison on the casino floor. Smoking's allowed, so I guess I'll have to eat that rule.
4. Just because you can drink all you want for "free" doesn't mean you should. How do you get the smell of a thousand cigarettes out of the carpet by the pai-gow poker table? Juice up a lightweight until he pukes his pale ale. Those drinks you get aren't really free since they are subsidized by your drunken decision to hit on 20.
5. Don't be mean to the dealers. The dealers are there to facilitate the loss of your money with style, dignity, and grace. They're not the ones making the stupid bets, so point the finger of blame for losing your kids' college fund exactly where it should go. Besides we all know who runs those places. You wouldn't want to be dragged to some back room by Vito and Paulie to have your knees broken would you?
6. Don't accept anything from people on the street. It's either a pornographic solicitation for hot escorts or time share condo crap. Funny how those two go together. Don't think you can get away with speaking Spanish either. They've figured that one out.
7. Take it easy with the A/V equipment. You're on vacation, not on assignment for NewsChannel5. Let's keep it under 5 pounds.
8. See the water show at the Bellagio. It is truly amazing. Be sure and catch the last show at midnight. It's the Whitney Houston version of the Star Spangled Banner that she did at the Super Bowl during the Gulf War. Very moving! I think it's Steve Wynn's way of reminding all of the foreign visitors that this is the greatest nation on earth. . . and we know it.
9. See rule # 1.
It's hard to imagine that anyone would follow these rules, but those of you who have been there and experienced first hand the carnage that is hoofing the Strip, I'm sure you can appreciate my point of view. Viva Las Vegas!
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