Merry Freakin' Christmas

I'll soon miss the carnage that is Christmas shopping. For the better part of my adult existence, I've sworn to myself to start my gift shopping by late July or early August with the hope that I'd be done before Black Friday. Disappointed yet again.

As I just got home from La Plaza Hell, I realize that I'm done searching for that perfect gift. The war is over and I can now concentrate on the true meaning of the holiday. Friends and family.

I plan to call some people who I haven't spoken to in a while and wish them a Merry Christmas. I'll spend time with my family and let go all the stresses of the entire year that has passed me by. I'll be cheerful and gay(happy) and carry a smile on my face.

To everyone out there I wish you the best and for God's sake, have a Merry Christmas.

The Chuy Defense

Once again, another yet to be named lawyer has fanagled his way out of an unlawful carrying of weapon charge using what I call the Chuy defense. Newschannel 5 reported that a lawyer was caught with a pistol that was discovered in his briefcase at the security check point at the Hidalgo County Courthouse. The lawyer was not arrested or charged only questioned. WOW! Where do I sign up for that treatment?

Precedent was set for the Chuy defense when, back in October 2005, it's name sake, His Holiness, Senator Juan "Chuy" Hinojosa ALLEGEDLY carried his gun into the McAllen airport. After telling the world it was an innocent mistake and that he forgot that he left the pistol in his briefcase, he walked off scott free after a being declared "not guilty" by a jury of one his peers, -lawyer- a municpal court judge -lawyer-, who refused to magistrate him for the charge.

When the McAllen Police dared to call bullshit on the judge's shenannigans, Supreme Chancellor Rene Guerra said he would not prosecute the case because there was no criminal intent or some other crap in broken English that I couldn't decipher, thereby creating the Chuy defense.

The Chuy defense is simple. All you have to do is meet a two prong test and presto-change-o, you're free to go my friend. First of all, you have to be a lawyer, or a law-maker-upper. In the case of Rene Guerra, it's the same thing. Being in that club has its priveleges including isulation from do as I say, not as I do misbehavior claims.

Second, you need only claim oops, and say that you forgot you had the weapon on you, near you, or in you. I guess as long as you don't saunter in the room like John Wayne twirling a Colt .45 on your right index finger you should be alright.

The mere fact that you met the criteria for test one means that you're telling the God's honest truth, despite the king-x fingers behind your back. Case closed, go on about your business.

The entire scheme of this defense screams double standard. They must really think we're so stupid, and they do, to believe that every citizen would be treated equally and given an opportunity to claim this defense. Really? Yeah really. They know that most of the cattle could care less about stuff like this. How do they know? They get re-elected again, and again, and again don't they?

Sadly I'm more than sure that in the future Johnny Welfare from Albores Courts will stroll into the courthouse for his child-support hearing accidentally packing heat. The difference is he'll definitely be sporting correctional institution blaze orange later that evening. Maybe if Johnny's lucky, he'll draw Chuy Hinojosa as his pro bono legal counsel.

The Downward Spiral

Everyone else has commented on the future former Hidalgo County District Clerk Omar Guerrero so I figured I'd take a whack at the pinata as well although I'll spare you the, "Where's Waldo?" references.
What's the deal? Could he have stepped in it any worse? ALLEGEDLY, Guerrero had a sexual relationship with a 15 year old girl which now clears up what IFA stands for; "I'll F%$@ Anyone." It's too bad that we as taxpayers have had to cut a check to this guy through the rest of his term.
The news media has a major hard on for this guy and why not. Look at all he's given them. It started with his appearance in the McAllen Municipal Court after his DWI/ marijuana possession arrest where, according to his attorney, he was suffering from the flu or the bubonic plague or [insert a lame, overpriced, bag of hot gas, defense attorney bullshit excuse here]. (Puff, puff, pass . . . yeah right, man). Rememeber the press conference in his office with his wife and child after that?
Then there was his attempt to have the media's camera's removed from J.P. Palacios' courtroom for another one of his ALLEGED transgressions. Nothing makes the media love you more than trying to hide from them or deny them information. The coverage of his impending arrest and court appearance should be no less entertaining.
To Omar, I really wish you the best. Realize that the ride is over and was so a long time ago. Take responsibility for your actions, get some help, and get your crap together. It won't be long before you and your circus are a long forgotten memory in county politics . . . well, maybe not.